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Where on earth do I start?  Perhaps the beginning will do...yes, lets start at the very beginning...

It all started 2 years ago, when I was told to look at a thing called the '2008 Discworld Convention' because "I might like it".  So I joined up, paid for my membership, became lucky enough to get a room, and then turned up at the Hilton Metropole Hotel with absolutely no idea who anyone was and what exactly I was doing there.  You see, I had only just discovered Pratchett back then, and with my previous lifestyle I had never been to ANY convention at all.  But I think for a first convention I made quite an...impression upon people.  Plenty of them certainly remembered me from it at any rate.

At some point or another, earlier this year I was asked by the Monks of Cool if I would like to volunteer to be a deputy - apparently thihnking that this would not come as a suprise, which was the opposite...I was expecting something along the lines of 'not you again' - and I said yes, because I thought it would be fun, and a way of sort of keeping me out of trouble.

Lo and behold, the time of the 2010 Convention rolled around, stuck on a pair of silly glasses and yelled 'Boo' at me before I was actually ready to leave. It was slightly different this time around, because I wasn't hitching a lift up, but braving the perils of the open road to drive myself in my little black Smart car to Birmingham, where I only went the wrong way twice - once because I didn't know my left from my right, and the second because the idiot box in the corner didn't tell me what lane I was meant to be in!  But I made it, and proceeded to burst out of my car, dragging my two baby suitcases behind me, almost trampling the imaginary wildlife and some normal people in my antici..........pation.

Overenthusiastic hugging put on hold, i made a vague attempt at making myself useful a mere...5 minutes after arriving, by helping pack the last of the goodie bags (and providing more bone-crushing hugs).  The rest of the day turned into a bit of a blur for me - I recall going to the pub quiz, and doing reasonably well, acting daft and sticking origami folded receipts on my nose and ears and looking like a burke to the amusement of my table.  Oh yes, and the comment of "what I find worrying is that someone can not drink and be as insane as you" .  I chose to take this as a compliment.

Friday...friday...oh yes.  That one.  The one where I donned my corset and started the progressive track of warfare against my own body.  But it was bloody well worth the marks left in my skin, and the feeling when released that my waist should be 6 inches smaller than it actually was.  I also had the honour of meeting my fellow guild deputy, warning the Monks of the mistake they made of putting me in a position to make trouble rather than staying out of it and then assembling my hordes of conventioneers armed with corsetry, needles and double entendres to be unleashed upon unsuspecting (or willing) passers by.  I also ran a very large and very entertaining game of Werewolf - one of just a few to follow it.

Like when the Dwarf Olympics was meant to be held on saturday.  It got moved, I shouted "Who's up for spontaneous Werewolf?" and madness descended in the cavern, with mistaken identities, dropping of cards (and then making me pick them up whilst being bound inside corset body armour and ambling around on heels) and inter-family vengence battles.  I then had perhaps a couple of hours after that when the majority of the Convention buggered off inside the Dysk, to myself.  So I ditched the straight jacket and opted for camouflaging as a journalist and lurking surreptitiously in the bar, hoping and praying that i wouldn't hear the cry of 'Oi You!', summoning me to my duties once more.  Guild duties that is...gophering went mostly out of the window.  In the evening, myself and the rest of the seamstresses played a double whammy in the Maskerade, and I had the great fortune of being hidden behind a curtain with Pat and strolling across the stage to a fanfare, whilst not tripping over the hem of my skirt.  In the name of my guild I suffered through the discomfort of trying to sit in a corset to mob the stage for the final act.  But it was well worth it to see all the fantastic acts, and all the people that had so much more guts than I did!  (Maybe next time...)

But how can I forget the Hedgehog party?  When I dropped the pain and settled for something slightly more normal...that was until a sign appeared on my back indicating that I was in fact 'Pretending to be a girl' and that 'This is a cunning disguise to fool you all'.  Not everyone was convinced, but it was a damn good attempt and made people laugh, which was the point!  I stayed in the Forge until the end of it all, which was approximately 4 in the morning, playing about 3 games of Twister before giving up, grabbing all the ballons in the room and sticking them up Wotcher's skirt and glomping Mike, who's birthday it happened to be at the time!

This late night meant that getting up on sunday morning was somewhat more of a challenge, and a painkiller accompanied my normal IV drip of caffeine at breakfast time before I shuffled off elsewhere yet again to get a pen and paper and re-write my tattered sign, because I decided not to brutally murder myself with a corset until later that day.  The morning was spent reasonably peacefully, indulging in this strange thing called sitting down for the most amusing Church of Om, and How To Buckle a Swash...because I have a bloodthirsty streak in me and couldn't resist the chance to stand and pose with a sword (insert typical Seamstress comment here).

Sunday night brought the Rat Race, and crinolines, and the crazy ideas that stemmed into even crazier things that I actually did.  Such as having one of the 'rats' run up my skirt and cause a hole in one, and be poisoned an impressive 8 times, and announcing the news by going 'Bong'.  Oh, and I forgot to mention, earlier on in the weekend I asked someone at Ankh for the time, and got handed a stick and told to join in.  Then I was asked if I would be willing to carry on bashing sticks.  I said yes, and continued to perform my first ever Morris dance with a bunch of other nutters after the Gala Dinner, in front of a bunch of people who were honestly not egging me on to batter people in the slightest...  Other things what I saw were many and interesting, such as the music of Mr B, the other fantastic ideas that people came up with, and the highly appropriate 'Drag race', with its well deserved winner.  Collapsing in the bar took place, and I actually had to be carried to my room, which had nearly happened at the last con too.  I call it legs on strike syndrome.

On monday morning I actually overslept, and had to race down to breakfast and only have one (gasp) cup of tea, before I tracked down the Monks of Cool and asked them about the lunatic idea that had started when I stole people at the Rat Race and continued to fester until They made me do it.  This being none other than 'How Many People Can You Stuff In a Crinoline?' Competition.  Now, I would mention that this was intended to be an entertaining, ground based game for people to point and laugh at.  First up were the seamstresses, who proved their worth by snugly fitting 5 people and a small child under the hoops of my giant tea cosy.  The Unaffiliated Bendy Persons topped that with a sound 6, and then [Insert guild here, cause I forgot] fitted in 5 and a stuffed toy...

And then Davina came along and it all went...memorable from there.  Because I had managed to convince Sir Terry to come and watch, after a slightly unintentional comment of "have you stolen any dwarves in that yet?" and I replying "Funny you should mention that..."  It went from small scale stuffing, to me being raised up on Davina's shoulders whilst 15 people shoulder barged in under the skirt.  Now, we thought this was a damn good record, but Terry had been distracted and missed it.  So we did what all good fans did and gave him a replay.  And then shattered the record all over again.

I thought that was the end of that, and I charged upstairs to discard the oversized toilet roll cover to take my seat for the Rocky Horror Discworld Show, which was in short terms absolutely bloody fantastic.  If you missed it, i feel so sorry for you.  After that it was the Deputy debrief, where we froze to death in Morpork whilst I snacked on nachos and we all breathed a big sigh of relief that we weren't going to be doing THAT again for a while.  Then came the closing ceremony, and more suprises.  Because I had noooo idea how we won, but I'm guessing it had something to do with the crinoline stuffing previously mentioned.  It certainly lodged itself in Terry's memory, and I have the feeling that I will be remembered forever more for that.

Finally I got an evening to relax, free of the troubles of controlling my horde, I proceeded to march to the Dead Monkey Party with a small squad to the tune of the Great Escape.  From there I tied myself up in knots on a Twister board for several hours, fenced against Brian in a corridor with a couple of mallets pilfered from the Rat Race, Walked the Walk, and wound down with some fencing exercises, courtesy of the wonderful Shevek.  Brenna, I promise I will fence you next time!

Going home day.  Boooo!  Especially as I was driving, which I really didn't want to.  But I had to.  I had to say goodbye to all those wonderful people I met and return to the place formerly known as Roundworld.  The journey home was easier in some ways, because the roads were nicely signposted so I knew where I was going, but on the downside I was tired, and suffering from Post-Con blues.  I still am, and I look forward to the next Con, whether it be Ireland, Wincanton, or in 2 years time, I will find you all!

Oh, and Wotcher and I have plans to trounce the Crinoline Stuffing World Record by...hmmm, at least double!


( 32 scribbles — Scribble Here )
Sep. 1st, 2010 11:01 pm (UTC)
I think the crinoline record attempts would've gone better if I hadn't gotten attacked by it when getting out from under it (twice I might add) but was still good fun and great to see you again
Sep. 4th, 2010 08:19 am (UTC)
I did keep hearing someone going 'I'm stuck!'... But there won't be any wires in the next one, so that shouldn't make any problems! XD
Sep. 4th, 2010 09:31 pm (UTC)
Try learning how to use stilts. Become a tent.
Sep. 4th, 2010 10:14 pm (UTC)
Well there's already been talk of roller skates for next Con...
Sep. 4th, 2010 10:55 pm (UTC)
Roller skates on skilts?
Good luck.
Sep. 5th, 2010 08:02 am (UTC)
Oh good grief no! Not at the same time!
Sep. 1st, 2010 11:10 pm (UTC)
Hey there, Mort here. It was very nice meeting you. I'm glad I managed to get Terry over for the second attempt of crinoline stuffing, and I even managed to squeeze in at the back. :-)

Thanks for introducing me to Werewolf, even if the red shirt did make me an early target in most of them...
Sep. 4th, 2010 08:18 am (UTC)
It was awesome to meet you too! And thank you for sheperding PTerry towards us! Remember to introduce Werewolf to everyone you know, and even those you don't XD
Sep. 1st, 2010 11:29 pm (UTC)
The opening ceremony was on Monday? Damn, that means I must have missed most of the Con, since I left next day....
Sep. 2nd, 2010 03:26 pm (UTC)
Oh...bollards! Well, I was typing this just before midnight after 9 hours at work XD
Sep. 2nd, 2010 09:31 am (UTC)
I walked through the lobby just in time to see the crinoline stuffing, but too late to bring a camera to bear. But your look of embarassment when Pterry pointedly mentioned it in the closing ceremony was a picture. :-)
Sep. 2nd, 2010 03:27 pm (UTC)
*shiftyeyes* Weelllll, it did have something to do with being the FIRST thing Pterry spoke about!
Sep. 3rd, 2010 09:32 am (UTC)
Did he by any chance mention it again? 'Cos it was pretty much this look.
Sep. 4th, 2010 08:16 am (UTC)
I think that was in the middle of the conversation between us going;

Jaqueline: Well, I have no idea what you girls have been up to
Me: You don't *want* to know...
Sep. 4th, 2010 09:07 am (UTC)
That'd be around the same time as this shot was taken, then...?
Sep. 4th, 2010 03:06 pm (UTC)
Yerrrrssss, dats der bunny!
Sep. 2nd, 2010 12:22 pm (UTC)
*BOUNCE BOUNCE bounce bounce bouncebouncebounce*
(Deleted comment)
Sep. 4th, 2010 03:06 pm (UTC)
Pileup on Shevek! *glomp*
(Deleted comment)
Sep. 4th, 2010 03:10 pm (UTC)
Yus, I was Oi You, and I plan on remaining so for the next Con because it worked so damn well! And I did have the Feegle costume in the suitcase, but every time I planned to wear it, I got sidetracked!

My brain's been hastily trying to erase the sight of Gideon's pants and the migrating beard from it, with not very much success! There may be another Con post as I remember all the stuff I forgot. Plus an in-depth one on Guild stuff, and possbily one on the crinoline stuffing XD
(Deleted comment)
Sep. 4th, 2010 10:16 pm (UTC)
Yup, my corsetry was preventing me from sitting down XD Sofas are the greatest creation known to comfort and keeping spines straight!

I'll be Oi You again next time, just because it was so damn effective!
(Deleted comment)
Sep. 5th, 2010 08:01 am (UTC)
Aww, well if you get one that fits you tightly, then you don't risk falling out so much, or you can always wear an undertop, or go for a underbust corset and a shirt ^__^ Plus if you're worried about the stomach movement, there are long line corsets that come down over the hips, like what I had :)

Oh, and now that my memory has sparked, the walking name badges definitely have to happen!
Sep. 4th, 2010 10:27 am (UTC)
You were awesome. Thank you for being so.
That is all.
Sep. 4th, 2010 10:46 am (UTC)
were there any pictures of the successful attempt to get my scooter under your crinoline?
Sep. 4th, 2010 03:11 pm (UTC)
I haven't seen any yet Tiggy, but I shall keep my eyes open!
Sep. 4th, 2010 12:07 pm (UTC)
You were a great dept guild leader !
Sep. 4th, 2010 03:11 pm (UTC)
Thank you for being such an awesome guild! I honestly couldn't have done it without everyone's help!
Sep. 4th, 2010 12:44 pm (UTC)
The morris was great fun and the dancers likewise.
Sep. 4th, 2010 03:13 pm (UTC)
I had a fantastic time doing the Morris dancing, even though I only joined in by chance and asking for the time! Any chance of it happening again next time?
Sep. 4th, 2010 03:42 pm (UTC)

I'd love to do it again. I'll mention it to Jerry.
Sep. 4th, 2010 10:17 pm (UTC)
Fantastic! ^___^ I'm taking up ballroom dancing again, so maybe there could be a mixed dancing session? o__O
Sep. 8th, 2010 02:44 pm (UTC)
the crinoline you wore was made by a girl who is starting a degree course in corsetry. i had a convo with her about the course but can't remember where it is or her name. i'd really like to know what and where that course is? can you help me get in touch with her?
Completely Batty
Oct. 27th, 2010 10:26 pm (UTC)
Re: help!!
Oh that was me!, unfortunately im not starting a degree course in corsetry (alas). I thought I was starting a national diploma in fashion at the time of the con, but due to some finnicery in the college im stuck doing a first diploma despite having all the qualifications for the national. Arrgh!. (apologies for the rant I just needed to get it off my chest). But anyway here I am :)
( 32 scribbles — Scribble Here )